


Beautiful

by NuwandaSnicket



Series: Don't Let Me Fall [4]
Category: Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Genre: Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 04:05:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18024344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NuwandaSnicket/pseuds/NuwandaSnicket
Summary: Aurens still has nightmares about Dera'a, and worries about his scars.  Ali thinks he can help him through that.





	Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> This is a request piece, for LifeLover. It actually ended up being two of your requests put into one LOL. Hope you enjoy it! <3

Ali was so happy to be back in Arabia, and with Aurens in his arms. He had worried that there might be a period of adjustment, though he didn’t know why, not with how affectionate the Englishman had been back in that room in Paris. How could he ever have doubted for an instant that there was anything but love there? If anything, Aurens was determined to make up for lost time, unwilling to stop touching Ali for even an instant. 

One evening when Ali was at his desk, doing work for Feisal, Aurens had brought him some coffee and a muffin. The Englishman had been trying to learn to bake lately. He still wasn’t very good, but Ali loved eating the things he made, no matter how bad. Anyway, he could manage a decent muffin.

“Thank you, Aurens.”

“You’re welcome.” Still, the man didn’t leave, simply stood behind Ali, running his fingers through the dark hair. Ali’s eyes went half-lidded at the sensation. It felt amazing. Too much so. It was distracting him from the work he had to finish.

“Aurens.”

“Yes?”

“I must get this done.”

“So get it done.” Still the fingers kept trailing over Ali’s scalp. He groaned.

“I cannot get it done when you are touching me like that.”

“Like what?” Aurens leaned in, lips brushing Ali’s ear as he murmured, “like this?” His hands teased through Ali’s hair and the Harith couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Aurens, really!” Ali laughed, pushing at a hand. “You must stop!”

“….must I.” There was something about Aurens’ tone, and it caught Ali’s attention. He realized then that Aurens really had been much clingier lately than he really should be. It was as if he were afraid that, were he to stop touching Ali, the Harith would disappear into thin air.

Putting his pen down, Ali turned around to face Aurens. The man was clearly trying to keep his expression light, and not succeeding very well. “Aurens.” Ali took the man’s hands in his own. “You do not have to worry. I am not going anywhere.”

“I know that.”

“No, I do not think you do. I think for some reason, you are still afraid you might lose me.”

The look in Aurens’ eyes confirmed this was all too accurate. “I am.” Reaching out, he stroked Ali’s cheek. “I still can’t believe you are taking another chance on me, after all I’ve done.”

“Aurens—“

“I know, I know, you don’t want to hear it.” He shook his head, and there was disbelief in those blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I just….” He struggled for words for a moment and seemed unable to find any. Finally, he smiled helplessly. “I love you.”

Ali’s heart ached at how much Aurens still hurt, at how much he still blamed himself. “I love you too, Aurens. You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” 

He could see the tears in Aurens’ eyes and it killed him. Setting aside his work, he rose to his feet. “Come Aurens,” he said softly. “Let us go to bed.”

“It’s only eight o’clock.” 

“I do not care. I want to hold you.”

The smile Aurens gave him was somewhat tremulous, but still beautiful. Giving Aurens a soft kiss, Ali led him off to bed.

 

**~*~**

 

Ali had slowly stripped Aurens of his clothing, kissing every inch of bare flesh, making his way down his chest and belly until he could take that hard length in his mouth, delighting in the cry of pleasure. He took joy in watching Aurens come undone beneath him, clutching the blankets, hips stuttering as he came, Ali’s name on his lips.

Ali crawled up the bed until they were face to face. “I adore you, Aurens,” he whispered. “You are more than the entire world to me. Nothing you have ever done or could ever do will change that.”

There had been tears in Aurens’ eyes, but this time they were happy ones. He had pulled Ali into a desperate kiss that left them both a little dizzy. Ali had been relieved when he fell into a peaceful sleep.

Or so it had seemed.

About an hour later, Ali was awakened by a sound he had grown only too accustomed to since the two of them had been reunited: crying. He was awake in an instant.

Aurens was having another one of his nightmares. 

He had them all the time, far more than Ali would have liked (though any nightmares at all were more than he would have liked). He never said what they were about, but it wasn’t difficult to guess. Dera’a. He would whimper, pleading with someone to leave him alone. And Ali’s heart would break.

It was no different right now. “No…no, _please_.” 

“Aurens.” Ali reached out, tried to comfort him. “Aurens, it is only a dream. Please wake up.” 

But at the first touch to his hair, Aurens shot awake, crying out “ _Ali!_ ”

He ached. “Right here, Aurens.” His voice was soft as he reached for Aurens, cupping his face. Blue eyes looked wildly at him. “It is alright.”

Aurens’ chest was rising and falling with gasping breaths. Ali set a hand on his shoulder. At the touch, Aurens seemed to remember that the blankets left him exposed from the waist up. This was not something he normally had a problem with, seeing as how Ali saw him fully naked all the time. Still, he had not as of yet allowed Ali to see his bare back; not since that day in the cave. Eyes wide with terror, he scooted backwards until he was up against the wall.

Ali felt his heart break. “Aurens.” He moved closer slowly, carefully, not wanting to frighten the man off. He laid his hand on Aurens’ shoulder again, so lightly this time so as almost unable to be felt. “Please, Aurens.” Those eyes still stared at him, wide with fear. “ _Please_ ,” he implored.

Aurens didn’t move, just sat there, pressed against the wall, staring at Ali. Still, his breathing began to slow ever so slightly, his shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly. Ali gently stroked his cheek. “Please, Aurens. Please. Let me see?” 

He wasn’t sure if he was pushing for too much. It was so soon after they had reunited, and Aurens was still adjusting to intimacy. He still wasn’t comfortable being on his back beneath Ali, too haunted by memories of that room in Dera’a. Was this too much to ask?

But unbelievably, Aurens gave an almost imperceptible nod and shifted forwards, turning slowly so that his back was to Ali. Ali’s breath caught; it was all he could do not to hiss at the sight. 

The wounds may have healed since Dera’a, but the scars were still terrible, covering Aurens’ beautiful white flesh. God, how Ali _hated_ the men who had done this to him. Not because they had marked him up. The scars did nothing to mar Aurens’ beauty, at least in Ali’s eyes. But they had damaged Aurens’ spirit, and the way he saw himself. And that was unforgiveable. 

“Aurens,” he said softly. “You are beautiful.”

The man let out a harsh laugh. “Don’t, Ali.”

“You _are_ ,” he insisted.

“I’m the furthest thing from beautiful.” The words were choked out between tears, tears that Aurens was desperately trying to hold back. “I’m….I’m ruined.”

Oh God. The words stirred Ali’s emotions, making him furious with the men who did this, and so very sorrowful for Aurens. He was going to get that insane thought out of Aurens’ head, no matter what it took. “Aurens, I told you before and I will tell you again: _you are not ruined_. These…” his fingers lightly traced the scars. “These do nothing to tarnish how lovely you are.”

“….Ali…” The name was almost a sob, and Ali’s heart broke. He gently pressed a kiss to one of the scars, feeling Aurens jump in surprise at the touch. Slowly, he worked his way across Aurens’ back, taking time to kiss each mark, each scar.

“You are beautiful, Aurens. You are the loveliest creature I have ever known, inside and out. Nothing will ever change that.”

Those words seemed to be too much for Aurens, and he was in Ali’s lap, kissing him for all he was worth. He couldn’t help it. Ever since Dera’a he had felt so ruined, so ugly. But Ali didn’t see it. He didn’t, and would never, see Aurens as anything but beautiful. And Aurens loved him for it.

Breaking away from the kiss, he managed to gasp out “I love you.”

“I love you too, Aurens.” Ali stroked the blonde hair, and the love in his eyes was so great that Aurens made up his mind. 

Taking Ali’s face in his hands, he kissed him, pulling away to ask “make love to me?”

Ali looked surprised at the sudden change in mood, but he nodded. “Of course.” Then Aurens lay back on the bed, holding out his arms for Ali to lie atop him, and Ali felt as if his heart had stopped.

“Aurens…..are you certain?”

Aurens nodded. “I’m ready.” And he was. Ali had been so good to him, so patient and loving, and always would be. He cupped Ali’s face in his hands, trying to reassure him, to soothe the worries he saw in those brown eyes. “Really, Ali. I’m certain. I want this.” No, it was more than mere want. “I _need_ you.”

He saw the heat flicker in Ali’s eyes when he heard that word, and the man was leaning forward to claim his lips. He expected to feel nervous at the weight atop him but he didn’t; all he felt was Ali, and desire for him, for more.

Ali had felt some of his nerves vanish at that one word, “need”. Still, as he settled his body over Aurens’, he was hesitant, still afraid of upsetting the man. But Aurens didn’t show any trace of fear, merely slid his hands into Ali’s hair and pulled him deeper into the kiss. Ali rocked his hips downward and was rewarded when Aurens gasped.

“Ali!”

“Yes, my love?”

Fingers tugged at his hair. “Don’t tease me.”

He stifled a smile. “Alright.” He brushed Aurens’ lips in a soft kiss and continued downwards, trailing kisses along his throat, his chest, down his soft belly and creamy white thighs. “You are so lovely,” he murmured, stroking the soft skin, so close to the spot Aurens wanted touched and yet not close enough.

“Ali!” Aurens yanked his hair hard that time. “You’re _teasing!_ ”

Laughing, Ali took Aurens into his mouth. That stopped the complaining, but not the hair tugging, as Aurens moaned. At the same time, he pressed his fingers into Aurens, working him open gently but surely as his mouth slowly drove Aurens wild.

At last, the man began pulling insistently at Ali’s hair. “Ali…Ali, stop. I can’t….I’m gonna…” But Ali refused to let up, fingers insistently teasing over Aurens’ sweet spot until he came with a cry.

Pleased, Ali shifted up until they were face to face again, and God, what a face. Aurens was flushed and panting for breath, looking completely debauched. Ali just wanted to ravish him. But he needed to know that Aurens still wanted that, after what had just happened. “Good?”

In response, Aurens dragged him into a fierce kiss. He couldn’t help but laugh into it. “I take it that is a yes?”

“Amazing.” He kissed Ali again. “It was _amazing_.”

“Good.” He stroked Aurens’ cheek and quickly found his hand captured, Aurens pressing a kiss to his fingertips.

“You’re not done yet.”

“So you still want to…”

“ _Yes_ , I still want to!” He rolled upwards and Ali bit back a gasp at the feeling against his aching shaft. “I need you, Ali. Please.”

He didn’t have the willpower to refuse, even if he’d wanted to. Slipping a hand beneath Aurens’ leg, he tugged it up around his waist. “Alright, Aurens?” The man nodded, his face dead serious, need in his eyes. Ali pressed forwards, biting his lip at that tight heat engulfing him. “ _Fuck_ , Aurens.” He had to stop, shutting his eyes to gain control of himself.

Aurens, on the other hand, was impatiently pulling at Ali, desperate for more. “ _Please_ , Ali!”

“Aurens, please…a minute. You feel….” He took a breath. “Amazing.”

A smile lit up Aurens’ face and the words seemed to give him the patience he needed. He stroked Ali’s cheek and leaned in for a kiss. Then Ali pressed forward and Aurens’ breath caught; he grasped Ali’s shoulders. “ _Ali_.”

“I know.” Ali settled against Aurens, stroking his hair as they both adjusted to the feeling. “Are you alright, my love?”

Aurens nodded, cupping Ali’s face in his hands and kissing him. “I’ll be perfect once you move.”

Ali couldn’t help but laugh. “As you wish, love.” And he gave a small cant of his hips, delighting in the resulting moan.

After reuniting in Paris, they had fallen easily back into their old relationship, and their lovemaking had been no different. But this—Aurens had been so nervous about being pinned down, with good reason. And now…..as amazing as it felt, for the first few moments, Ali couldn’t help but watch Aurens’ face carefully, looking for any sign of fear or discomfort. He quickly realized there was none; Aurens was very clearly feeling nothing but pleasure. Reassured, he stole a kiss, and quickly Aurens’ hands caught his hair again, pulling him harder into the kiss. He responded by rocking deeper, rewarded when Aurens broke the kiss with a cry as Ali hit that sweet spot. Pleased, Ali aimed for that spot again, and again, loving the way Aurens unraveled beneath him.

He brushed a lock of hair back from those blue eyes that he adored, taking in the flushed cheeks, the kiss-bruised lips, and oh God, the pure desire in Aurens’ eyes when he looked up at Ali. “Oh, Aurens.” He could feel himself reaching the edge.

“Ali.” The name was breathless, yet somehow Aurens still managed to make it sound like poetry. Ali bit back a groan. 

“Aurens…I cannot…” But Aurens only leaned in and brushed his lips in a soft kiss.

“Let go,” he whispered. And Ali could hold back no longer, capturing Aurens’ lips in a bruising kiss as he spent himself. His body sagged, forehead resting against Aurens’, breath coming in pants. Reaching between them, he found Aurens’ shaft, by now hard once again. The man whimpered at the first touch and grasped at Ali’s shoulders. He could feel Aurens’ nails digging into his back, raking painful trails down his flesh, but the pain felt good in a way that it probably shouldn’t. It took a mere handful of strokes and Aurens was coming, and Ali found himself being kissed within an inch of his life. He laughed breathlessly when Aurens released him at long last.

“Happy?” he asked. Aurens nodded.

“Incredibly.”

Ali pressed a kiss to Aurens’ lips. “Good. You deserve it.”

The blonde smiled. “Thank you.”

Ali was ready to give him a little swat like usual. “You do not need to thank me—“ but Aurens was shaking his head.

“I do. Ali, that was such a horrible memory for me. I know that you know that.” Ali was silenced, for he did know that. He had been there that day, and all the days since when Aurens had suffered these nightmares. “After we had separated…when I left….I didn’t think I would ever get over it. I knew I would never love anyone other than you, so I was never planning to have sex again.” He frowned as if thinking through the words. “I’m not saying that sex was necessary to fix this, but having you make love to me….putting you in their place, the place where you had always been and where I needed you to be….I think….I think I really needed that.”

Ali could see that Aurens was fretting over the words, worried that he wasn’t getting his point across. He stroked that golden hair. “I understand.”

Aurens looked relieved. “You do?”

He nodded. “I do.”

The joy that flowed over Aurens’ face filled Ali with such happiness. He quickly found himself yanked into another kiss and then Aurens was rolling them over so that he was on top of Ali, pinning him to the bed. Ali laughed at his sudden relocation.

“Have you not had enough yet?”

“I’ll never have enough of you.” Ali’s heart warmed as Aurens leaned in and kissed him soft and deep, a hand sliding into his hair. He knew that Aurens loved how thick it was (the man took every possible opportunity to play with it). Pulling away, Aurens smiled down at Ali, that beautiful smile that he adored, and then slid off of him to curl up beside him, head on his chest. “Ali?”

“Mm?” Already Ali sounded as if he were falling asleep. Aurens smiled.

“I adore you.”

That made Ali chuckle. “And I you, my love.” He pressed a kiss to Aurens’ forehead and they settled in. It wasn’t long before his breathing evened out as he fell asleep. Aurens remained awake a bit longer. He propped himself up on one elbow to look down at Ali. He felt dangerously close to tears. He didn’t know that it was possible for Ali to truly understand just how much he had given Aurens tonight. Tonight, Ali had made him feel almost beautiful. Aurens had never thought to feel that way ever again. He wiped a tear from his eye and leaning in, quickly kissed Ali’s forehead. Curling close to Ali, he wrapped his arms around the man. 

“I love you, Ali,” he whispered.

Outside, the stars shone brightly on the desert sands. A cool breeze blew, carrying the sweet scent of blossoms and something else, something not quite tangible. Something like the promise of happiness. The two men slept, oblivious, happy simply to lie wrapped in each other’s arms as the stars wheeled above. 

 

**~fin~**


End file.
